Dir. by Buddy Van Horn - 2 hrs. 2 min.
TV Spot #1
by Clayton Hollifield
What if I told you there's a movie you've never heard of, that has Clint Eastwood, James Cromwell, and Jim Carrey in a comedy? This technically is true, and I would also be badly misleading you. I would be misleading you on several points. This film exists, it is classified as a comedy, and all three of those men are in it. It's called "Pink Cadillac." It exists as a testament to how badly star power can cloud even the best judgment, because I'm still trying to wrap my head around the notion that not only did someone think that this was a solid concept, but someone actually financed this movie into existence.
Tommy Nowak (Clint Eastwood) is a skip tracer, which I think is the same thing as a bounty hunter? Basically, he goes after people who have skipped bail, and does so with a fondness for costumes and subterfuge. Tommy is put on the job to track down Lou Ann McGuinn (Bernadette Peters), who has gone on the run with her infant, fleeing from her dumbass husband, Roy (Timothy Carhart). He's such a dumbass he's a low-level member of a white-supremacist group, has started dabbling in crystal meth, and also let Lou Ann take the fall for his group of merry morons' counterfeiting scheme. Lou Ann absconds with his pink cadillac, which she is unaware contains about a quarter million dollars.
It would probably be a good idea to knock out the positives of this movie first. Bernadette Peters looks awfully nice in her red dress. At no time does the film make any apologies for Roy or the band of idiots he runs with. And there are some nice very short appearances by actors who would eventually be a lot better than having to take tiny roles in movies like "Pink Cadillac." One of the scenes has James Cromwell playing the guy in charge of a small motel, and has one of my favorite jokes in a movie that I've ever seen. The other has Jim Carrey (and this was even pre-"In Living Color"), playing a lame comedian in a Reno casino. Here, I'll save you two hours:
Tiny Arm Elvis!
So why is this a Clint Eastwood movies that no one ever remembers? I think it all boils down to it being a bad fit. There's a long history of these kinds of comedies, where you take a fundamentally serious/dangerous job, jam a comedian into it that can coast on charm and wackiness, and then the movie takes a serious turn in the third act and has to live up to the demands of the job. Just look at "Pineapple Express," for a decent version of a similar structure. Seth Rogen gets to dress up, run his mouth a bunch, and then things get violent and shit gets real. I'm not sure there's anyone who was clamoring for Clint Eastwood to star in a comedy of any kind. And even if there was, if you were like me, you might expect that he would be the straight man. Here, Eastwood is the one putting on costumes, playing "characters," and trying to charm people into things that are against their own self-interest. And here is an example of how that plays out:
There is never a point where Eastwood doesn't look wildly uncomfortable playing a character playing these characters. Maybe he's the funniest son of a bitch you ever met in person, but I'd lay down money that he's not this specific kind of funny. So there's no good reason for Clint to be the star of this film. He's made some all-time great movies, but not one of them was a comedy. This leads back to my original thesis: star power blinds people. If Eastwood was willing to make this movie, this movie was going to get made. Maybe it was a favor to somebody; the director, Buddy Van Horn, long was Eastwood's stunt man. I'm not saying that's why this movie exists, I'm honestly curious if there's ever been anyone who had the cojones to ask Clint to his face about this one. This is something that I intend to do some sleuthing into, not that that's going to help you, or me with the writing of this.
I'd be totally remiss in not admitting that while this is not any kind of a good movie, there is true perverse pleasure watching Clint Eastwood struggle with pulling off characters like Sleazy Car Salesman, Cut-Up Redneck, and Limousine Driver. Everyone else who has smaller roles, including Bernadette Peters, does their best with the material. I've probably seen this movie three or four times in my life, and I have no idea why I keep coming back for more. Maybe it's that joke James Cromwell tells. That really is one of my favorite bits in film I've ever seen.
1.5/5 - DVD
