Friday, July 29, 2011

Dagmar's Hot Pants, Inc. - 1971

"Dagmar's Hot Pants, Inc." - 1971
Dir. by Vernon P. Becker - 1 hr. 31 min.

Official Trailer

Two things:  it took me four separate sessions to get through this movie.  Second, I have no idea what the title refers to.  The titular (that refers to someone's name being in the title, sicko) main character (played by Diana Kjaer) didn't wear hot pants that I can remember, and certainly wasn't any CEO.  No, Dagmar is a hooker with a heart of gold and an eternal smile (and a passing resemblance to Emma Stone), and she's on her last day of work.  It's a busy day, though, there are a lot of clients with needs to be tended to, and a lot of loose ends to tie up.  Why is she leaving, and where is she going?  That's on a need-to-know basis, buster.

"Dagmar's Hot Pants, Inc." is a fantastic title, even if it's a bit misleading.  I don't mean to imply that the film was awful exactly by mentioning how much I had to break it up in order to get through it, although it's not really a good film, either.  You have to judge these things by what they're trying to accomplish, and it's clear aim is to be a 70's European sex comedy (you can always tell these things by the horn-heavy music and the fact that the women can't seem to keep their clothes on).  On that basis, there's a lot of nudity and good looking women, there's a parade of implied sex (client after client after client), and it's definitely in Copenhagen.  As for the comedy, well...

There is actually one good scene, a wordless one where Dagmar visits a classical conductor (I'm assuming) who's cranking his reel-to-reel, and they end up in throes of passion choreographed to the blaring classical music.  As for the rest of the scenes, did I mention the frequent nudity and that the lead actress kinda sorta looks like Emma Stone?  Anyhow, Dagmar's plans go awry when her pimp shows up right before she's scheduled to hop on an airplane, and grounds her with the limpest pimp slap I've ever beholden.  She manages to slip away after her gazillionth shower of the movie, and wings her way to (SPOILER ALERT) her new husband, who she's been putting through medical school with her horizontal ways.

Look, there's a big part of me that thinks it's disingenuous to have some universally-liked, happy hooker who apparently has no bigger problem than a limp pimp and over-scheduling.  And I'd certainly be more forgiving of that if the movie was funnier to begin with.  But just how I started by telling you two things, I'll leave you by telling you two things.  First, this movie's about the boobs, stupid.  You and I know going in the whole point is light titillation.  Secondly, after watching "Dagmar's Hot Pants, Inc.," I kind of miss tan lines.  A bare-white ass is miles funnier than a tanned one, and it's also kind of charming to not have to imagine a parade of bare asses all jammed up in a tanning booth, one after another, not to mention more hygenic.

2 / 5 - NF Streaming

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